Things I Want My Daughter to Know: Learn How to Communicate


I have so many things that I want C (and even G and H) to know when they get older that I began writing a series of posts to make sure I get the chance. If you have missed the beginning part of this series, start here with: Things I Want My Daughter to Know: You Deserve the Best

Dear C,

A few days ago, you and your brothers were upstairs taking a bath. Your father had just walked in the house from work and in the midst of all of the hectic craziness that is our house at the 6 o’clock hour, he and I were trying to talk to each other and get a run down of each other’s day. We should know by now that we need to wait until we have time to focus, but it is busy 24/7 here and so we try to talk whenever we can these days. I can’t quite remember what it was about, but we started to bicker over something, a mis-communication. It was a very small argument but you and G picked up on it right away. Both of you jumped in immediately and tried to take sides asking why we were “fighting” (we definitely weren’t fighting – not that we haven’t, just that we weren’t then). :-)

We immediately realized that it probably wasn’t the best time  and agreed to continue the conversation after getting the kids to bed. That night, as I said your prayers and read you a book, you had lots of questions for me. Why were Daddy and I fighting? Why were we mad at each other? My response? An easy one for a 6 year old, a deflection of sort. I said that sometimes Mommy and Daddy don’t always agree and that it is okay to talk about it. That we need to make sure that we always tell each other when we don’t agree with one another.

In reality, what your older self needs to know is that, yes, moms and dads don’t always agree, and we do, in fact, need to talk about it. But you also need to know that this is one of the beautiful things of having a relationship. With anyone. With your best friend, your acquaintance, your boyfriend, mom, husband, anyone that you have a relationship with. It takes work. It takes effort. Any good relationship takes time and takes communication. We said it to you that night, and we will say it to you again and again in the years to come, I am sure. You are lucky that your Mom and Dad argue in this way. We communicate. We talk, we disagree, we bicker, but each time that happens, it is a testament to the work that we are willing to put in. I realize this sounds a bit odd…arguing = commitment? Hmmm. But it is true. The key is maintaining respect when arguing/talking/discussing. This is something that your father and I take pride in. It is the most important thing that you can learn about communicating with others, and it is something that we will work hard to teach you from the start. I cannot tell you that it is something that I have always excelled in doing, but I realize its importance, and try hard to make it happen.

There are a few important things that I will try to teach you for those times when you have issues with your friends, because when those issues do come up, I hope that I have helped you develop the skills to let you solve them yourself. 1) I want you to know that you always need to be respectful. Respect can be a difficult concept for a 6 year old to grasp, but it is something your father and I have been trying to instill in each of you kids from the very beginning because it is so important. It really is the basis for all effective and meaningful conversation. 2) You need to make sure that you always treat others the way that you would like to be treated. Cliché, I know, but true. Even when you are angry or hurt, it is never okay to be mean. 3) Please be open with your feelings. Don’t talk behind others’ backs, and don’t say everything is okay when it isn’t. Open your heart and communicate. This is a lesson that I hope you follow right from the start. It is SO important and you will realize as you get older that it is also important to align yourself with friends and others that feel the same way.

This will be useful in your communication with friends, brothers, and family at first, but as you get older and married someday (if that’s what you choose), it will be important then too. You see, your father and I may argue, but underneath that argument is love first, as well as a desire to understand each other. We value our relationship and we are willing to work things out, disagree, talk to each other respectfully, and to make sure that we always stay on the same page.

My hope for you is that you learn from the example we set. That you learn about the importance of sharing your feelings, communicating, and appreciate when you find a person in your life that values your relationship as much as you do. Because they are the keepers.

If you enjoyed reading this post, you may want to check out the others in the series:
You Deserve the Best
No Excuses
About the Word Fat
Being Different

I am finding Motivation Monday incredibly inspiring and motivating! Started by Barb from A Life in Balance and Stephanie from Confessions of a Stay at Home Mom, I have enjoyed reading this link-up for a long time now. It is a great way to start the week!


Please link up your post here! A post that motivates you to be a better you, a better person. This inspiration is different for all of us, some are on a physical journey, some on an emotional one, either way, share your motivation with us…we would love to read! Read through some others that are linked up. You never know where you will find some words of wisdom or even an encouraging idea.




About Lauryn Blakesley

A woman out to explore, celebrate, and enjoy everything that my community and living locally has to offer. Blessed with three beautiful children and an incredible husband, our family embraces adventure while dreaming of what is to come. Lover of knitting, running (although mostly after little ones right now), the color orange, fun accessories, fall, tea, and a clean kitchen floor. I spend my days in awe of my family and trying to teach my three to treat others as they would want to be treated.

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  1. […] I’m linking up to Motivation Monday with A Life in Balance, Confessions of a Stay-At-Home, and The Vintage Mom! […]

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